A couple laughs for you guys

Expert Advice

I changed my horn to gunshot sounds.

People get out of the way much faster now.



You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone ??

That's common sense leaving your body.



Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.

Now they drink like their fathers.



I didn't make it to the gym today.
That makes five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "JIM"
I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Good ones you got there Tom!

I scared the crap out of some tourists at the bus station toilets this morning. I didn't see the faulty sign on the cubicle door. I was sitting there minding my own business when the bog flushed and soaked my nuts with ice cold water, which made me shout in shock, jump up, slip on the wet floor and clatter off the walls and door. all the tourists heard was a scream and me rattle about. The yelps of fear would probably have made me laugh if I wasn't so embarassed.

But hey, look on the bright side, you got your nuts cleaned for free!! running-around-smiley-emoticon

I began to worry a bit when the religious guy up the road started to build a boat in his back yard.....