A couple laughs for you guys

Some more "funnies" for ya!?

First you eat the Taco Bell

Then you make the Taco Smell

While you suffer through the taco Hell...

As you feel your insides begin to swell...

Then while you ran to the bathroom, you fell...

You dial 911 on your cell...

You swear to yourself, never to tell...

Your friends send Hallmark cards wishing you to get well...




This old Italian guy comes up to his oldest son and asks, "Vinnie, why are you sucha fat !@#$?"

Vinnie says, "Papa, it'sa mama's spaghetti. It'sa so good, that I can't stop eating it and I gain weight."

The old man says, "You should take a smaller bites..."


Then the old man comes up to his next oldest son and asks, "Joey, why are you sucha fat !@#$?"

Joey says, "Papa, it'sa mama's lasagna. It'sa so good, that I can't stop eating it and I gain weight."

The old man says, "You should take a smaller bites..."


Then the old man comes up to his youngest son and asks, "Tony, why are you sucha skinny !@#$?"

Tony replies, "Papa, it'sa from eating so much , I love the taste of ..."

The old man replies, ""? That taste like crap..."

Tony says, "Papa, you should take a smaller bites... of ""



OMG After the "Taco Bell Bear" I can barely type, thats just funny crap LMAO running-around-smiley-emoticon

Why Teachers DRINK




The
following questions were set in last year's GED
examination.
These
are genuine answers (from 16 year
olds)



Q. Name
the four seasons
A. Salt,
pepper, mustard and
vinegar

Q. How is
dew formed
A. The
sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire

Q. What
guarantees may a mortgage company insist
on
A. If
you are buying a house they will insist that you
are
well
endowed



Q. In a
democratic society, how important are
elections
A. Very
important. Sex can only happen when a male gets
an election

Q. What
are steroids
A.
Things for keeping carpets still on the
stairs
(Shoot
yourself now , there is little
hope)



Q... What
happens to your body as you age
A. When
you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental

Q. What
happens to a boy when he reaches
puberty
A. He
says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to
his adultery
(So
true)



Q. Name a
major disease associated with
cigarettes
A. Premature
death



Q. What
is artificial insemination
A. When
the farmer does it to the bull instead of the
cow

Q. How
can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep
it in the cow
(Simple,
but brilliant)



Q. How
are the main 20 parts of the body categorised
(e.g. The abdomen)
A. The
body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium,
the borax and the abdominal cavity. The
brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity
contains the five
bowels:
A,E,I,O,U (wtf!)



Q. What
is the fibula?
A. A
small lie



Q. What
does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby



Q. What
is the most common form of birth
control
A. Most
people prevent contraception by wearing a
condominium
(That
would work)



Q. Give
the meaning of the term 'Caesarean
section'
A. The
caesarean section is a district in
Rome

Q. What
is a seizure?
A. A
Roman Emperor.
(Julius
Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a
fit)



Q. What
is a terminal illness
A.
When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)

Q. What
does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign
is what you will be after you be
eight
(brilliant)



Q. What
is a turbine?
A. Something
an Arab or Shreik wears on his
head.
Once
a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes
his
diaper
and wraps it around his head.
(now we’re getting
somewhere)

Future leaders of America By God! Boy are we in trouble.

"Old Timers Sex"

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on. The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing; I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'No, fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the
registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is_disabled."

To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick bastard.

You guys crack me up!

There really is something wrong with some of the people on this forum!!........................... But it's a GOOD THING!!

OMG Tom, I showed my daughter the cat stuff you posted. shes laughing (shes a cat lover) I am too really but I'm just an all around animal lover so. roasting catnuts............. let it all hang out....... lmao running-around-smiley-emoticon

LMAO ----^

BOY isn't THAT the truth!

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, with them are their 8 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him.

“Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!!”
The blind man replies: “If you would’ve put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we’d be sitting in the bus.