A couple laughs for you guys

you guys crack me up running-around-smiley-emoticon

Weiner Dog or what?

OH that poor dog, pretty funny though.

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, "Holy crap! that must be my husband!"
So the man jumped out of the; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A fwe minutes later he returned and went tup to the bedroom and screamed at the woman" I AM your husband!"
the woman yelled back, "Yeah?! Then why were you running?"

A man came home early one day and found his wife naked in bed, things not looking right, and said "there's a man in here!" she said "no honey there's no man in here". He started looking around the apartment and couldn't find anybody. They were on the second floor and he heard a noise outside so he ran out on the balcony and looked down and saw this guy running out the front door putting on his coat. The man looked around and saw his roll away refrigerator and grabbed it and pushed it off the balcony and hit the guy on the head and killed him. He strutted back into the room and said "well he won't be sleeping with anybody's wife anymore!" Later he started to feel remorse and guilt and it got so bad he committed suicide. They were lined up at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter asked the first one "Why are you here?" The man said "I don't know St.Peter I was late for work one day and as I was going out the door a refrigerator fell on my head and here I am!" ST.Peter said "you didn't do anything go on in." St. Peter asked the second man "Why are you here?" The man said "I did a terrible thing. I accused my wife of being with another man and when I saw him running out the door I pushed a roll away refrigerator on him and killed him. I felt bad about it and committed suicide." St.Peter said "You repented for your sin go on in." When he asked the third man why he was there the man said "I don't know St.Peter I was just sitting in that refrigerator minding my own business!!"

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the Divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
___________________________________________

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
___________________________________________

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
___________________________________________

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
___________________________________________

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What the heck is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
___________________________________________

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
___________________________________________

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
___________________________________________

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
___________________________________________

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.

How can you tell when a politician is lieing?


Their lips move

An 80 year old man goes into the pharmacy with a prescription for viagra. The pharmacist asks if he would like them repacked into a bottle without a push down top. The old man says that would be fine but could he also get each one cut into 4. The pharmacist is confused by this and has to ask the old man why. The old man replies, sonny I am 80 years old, I have been married twice, and at my age women are of little interest to me but i would like to keep my feet dry at the urinal

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, 'If
there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of
them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little
Ralphy.

He replies, 'None, they will all
fly away with the first
gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The
correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking..'

Then little RALPHY says, 'I have
a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench
having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides
of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top
and sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of
the ice cream.

Which one is
married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal,
replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled
down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little RALPHY replied,
'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding
ring on,' but I like your
thinking.'

NOW as you all know, I'ma Mopar fanatic, BUT I laughed and I bet you all will too........





LOL too funny ---^

Think the old Adds were naughty? Have a look at this one. For WD-40!



Wonder what K-Y jelly's may have looked like back then!?



Wonder what THEY were thinkin when designing that "emblem"!?

What happens if ya fart in a Mini Cooper? Have a look!



Houston, we have a problem?





Boy isn't that the truth! ---^



OK about to pose for the 1 mile dash...



BEFORE the brick whipping begins!

You got way to much time on your hands Hemi J, get back to the work bench!!